Maoz

Maoz is (evidently) a smallish chain.  I’d never seen it before I moved to Philly.  Regardless, much like most of the other great things I’ve found in this city I resisted trying it for so long.

Maoz (pronounced “mows”) is a “vegetarian restaurant.”  I was a vegetarian for 6 years.  I hated eating at vegetarian restaurants then and I certainly hate them now.  Is that judgmental?  Absolutely.  The thing is lots of people (even people who own vegetarian restaurants) don’t understand how to make a filling and delicious vegetarian meal. So for the past 6 months I’ve strolled on by the graphic-y building that is Maoz without ever giving it the slightest time of day.

You remember recently how I was lamenting the loss of Moe’s in my life?  Sorry Moe’s, but I shall lament no more.  I’ve found your other half.  If I could marry two fast food places, it would be Moe’s and Maoz.

Anyway, getting on with the story so we can get to the review.  I started my new job yesterday.  My co-worker/trainer decided to go get lunch, but promised she would bring it back to eat so I wouldn’t be running a store I just started working in alone.  What did she bring back?  Maoz.  And it smelled… so good.  So I went home and ordered falafel from my favorite place.  But the craving was still there.

Then today came around, and I was working again.  I decided to get lunch for once and I just had to do it.  I had to have Maoz.

I stepped inside and sorry Maoz, but it’s fucking ugly in there.   It didn’t matter though, all I knew is I had to get my hands on that falafel.  But I was greeted by a condiment/topping buffet.  And a rude, slob of a man.  I told him I’d never been there before and he just started at me with a blank expression.  I know he was thinking “it isn’t that hard,” but ya know what buddy, fuck you.

So being slightly aggravated (probably more because I was hungry then that the guy was actually an ass hole) I just told him I wanted falafel and he sort of became helpful.  Apparently I actually wanted a “maoz sandwich” (which is a pretty stupid name for falafel in pita) and I got mine with fried eggplant and hummus also.  Then I got to top it with whatever I wanted! I put garlic sauce, tomatoes and onions, carrot salad, 4 types of salsa, and some other stuff on there.  I sat down at one of the really awkward tables.  And when I took the first bite my “maoz” jizzed all over my brand new red coat.  But I didn’t even care because I was in slightly spicy, super savory, carbohydrate overload falafel heaven.

Oh, also talk about simplicity (seriously, Maoz would be so perfect for Moe’s).  They have a regular “sandwich”, a small “sandwich”, a combo meal that comes with fries, and a salad (naked) option.

And what did I pay for this glory?  About $6.50.  Boom.

Ultimately, I give Maoz a 90%.  They lose 7% for being ugly and 3% because the guy behind the counter was a jerk (even though he probably wasn’t really).

And I learned another lesson:  Don’t always be afraid of vegetarian restaurants.

That’s all.

Always,
Sheepgo2heaven

P.S. FUCK QDOBA.

P.P.S. Listen to this (because that’s what I’m doing):

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