Maoz is (evidently) a smallish chain. I’d never seen it before I moved to Philly. Regardless, much like most of the other great things I’ve found in this city I resisted trying it for so long.
Maoz (pronounced “mows”) is a “vegetarian restaurant.” I was a vegetarian for 6 years. I hated eating at vegetarian restaurants then and I certainly hate them now. Is that judgmental? Absolutely. The thing is lots of people (even people who own vegetarian restaurants) don’t understand how to make a filling and delicious vegetarian meal. So for the past 6 months I’ve strolled on by the graphic-y building that is Maoz without ever giving it the slightest time of day.
You remember recently how I was lamenting the loss of Moe’s in my life? Sorry Moe’s, but I shall lament no more. I’ve found your other half. If I could marry two fast food places, it would be Moe’s and Maoz.
Anyway, getting on with the story so we can get to the review. I started my new job yesterday. My co-worker/trainer decided to go get lunch, but promised she would bring it back to eat so I wouldn’t be running a store I just started working in alone. What did she bring back? Maoz. And it smelled… so good. So I went home and ordered falafel from my favorite place. But the craving was still there.
Then today came around, and I was working again. I decided to get lunch for once and I just had to do it. I had to have Maoz.
I stepped inside and sorry Maoz, but it’s fucking ugly in there. It didn’t matter though, all I knew is I had to get my hands on that falafel. But I was greeted by a condiment/topping buffet. And a rude, slob of a man. I told him I’d never been there before and he just started at me with a blank expression. I know he was thinking “it isn’t that hard,” but ya know what buddy, fuck you.
So being slightly aggravated (probably more because I was hungry then that the guy was actually an ass hole) I just told him I wanted falafel and he sort of became helpful. Apparently I actually wanted a “maoz sandwich” (which is a pretty stupid name for falafel in pita) and I got mine with fried eggplant and hummus also. Then I got to top it with whatever I wanted! I put garlic sauce, tomatoes and onions, carrot salad, 4 types of salsa, and some other stuff on there. I sat down at one of the really awkward tables. And when I took the first bite my “maoz” jizzed all over my brand new red coat. But I didn’t even care because I was in slightly spicy, super savory, carbohydrate overload falafel heaven.
Oh, also talk about simplicity (seriously, Maoz would be so perfect for Moe’s). They have a regular “sandwich”, a small “sandwich”, a combo meal that comes with fries, and a salad (naked) option.
And what did I pay for this glory? About $6.50. Boom.
Ultimately, I give Maoz a 90%. They lose 7% for being ugly and 3% because the guy behind the counter was a jerk (even though he probably wasn’t really).
And I learned another lesson: Don’t always be afraid of vegetarian restaurants.
P.S. FUCK QDOBA.
P.P.S. Listen to this (because that’s what I’m doing):