Monthly Archives: April 2012

What did you think would happen!

Well now I’m on a writing kick after my hiatus. Also I’m on the kick of bashing the 2 worst roommates I could have, sorry Mayor Gia. A note to the Mayor, thanks for representing us southern folk. Anyhow, the title, yeah yeah I’ll tell you.

 

  • So my female roommate we shall call her the crying jew dresser. Don’t ask, to hard to explain. She comes home from work. I’m pretty sure she/they were trashed. It had been raining and they were soaked. I am in my room listening a bit to them argue over if there is a god or higher being or something to that effect, don’t worry they are typically so stupid that well a 3-year-old makes more sense. So I gave up and threw my headphones on. About 10 minutes later I smelled something burning. This doesn’t alarm me anymore because they burn everything but then I hear running and loud noises. Come to find out when they came home stupid bitch preheated the oven to 500 and waited, then put her plastic shoes in the gas oven to dry them out. Then proceeded to go in their room and drink and leave them in there. As I open my door they were pouring buckets of water in the oven. I go to my room mad because they said they were going to clean it up and fix it. I should’ve supervised. I woke up a few hours later with a splitting headache due to the idiots not lighting the pilot lights back and just leaking gas. And that is where the title came from. Also how have they lived this long.
  • Who’s they? is it the smut peddling flag burners or the god killing tree huggers?
  • Only Democrats and perverts touch themselves.
  • I love quoting cartoons. American Dad.
  • I like these words – Hamburgers and Hotness and I can’t find anything similar to it in this here internet world so I think I’m going to take advantage of it. Pretty sure its number 1 in the name of my burger joint I want to open as more people express interest. I should really put more burger stuff on this blog. I might also jump on one of these many sites like Zazzle and make some t-shirts and junk and maybe someone would buy it because well I like to donate money to charity so there is a good cause right there. So stay tuned for that motherfuckers.
  • It’s past my bedtime.

FIN!

 

Kotton!

 

PS- I‘m not sure why WordPress has Cory Bookerand Alex Rodriguez as recommended tags. They must be perverts or Democrats. Chuck Norris also? What the fuck?

 

Gas stove Deutsch: Gasherd mit eingeschalteter...

How did mouse poop get in the microwave?

I can’t sleep. It’s storming out. Not to fond if I must say. Weird title right? Wondering where it came from? I’ll get to it somewhere in my ramblings. How about some notes, thoughts and convo’s first.

  • This guy is a woman beating coke head…(518)229-1258.
    •  I found this in a comment section on a YouTube video. I found it weirdly hilarious. I was tempted to call just to see what kind of person would answer, then I thought better of it.
  • Bong hits and pasta.
  • What was I saying…oh yea I hate my job.
  • My blog should really have more hamburger things.
  • Does the blood in the bathroom have something to do with the mouse shit in the microwave?
  • Burgers Bitches-

  • My version of a Tuna Melt Burger.
  • Pasta and bong hits.
  • I should be asleep.
  • This post was sitting in drafts for about a week or two, been sick but pretty sure I passed out that night, on with the story.
  • Boom! Body hits the floor, granted I didn’t know this until the next day but never the less I heard the loud ass thud in the middle of the night. Why didn’t I go check on the noise you ask? Well, one, I didn’t want to be a witness to something fucked up. And two, I didn’t want to be a witness to anything fucked up. I have some fucked up roommates and could write a book about the mindless shits they are but I will save that for another day. Anyhow, story goes that my male roommate, we shall call him junkie fuckhead passed out sitting on toilet looking at porn, taking a shit, fell over towards the tub and smacked his head enough to bust it and bleed all over bathroom floor. He did not awake from this. When he finally came to, he figured out what had happened and was worried someone like myself would see the blood and freak out. So he bleached the bathroom. All this work made him hungry. So being the hippie junkie fuckhead vegetarian that he is, he went into the kitchen to heat himself up something in the microwave that I made which 100 out of 99 times includes meat. So he opens the microwave, but now he needs to snort another Xanax so he returns to his chambers where the shit goes down and then passes out.

My roommates don’t know how to use the microwave. Things that take 30 seconds get 5 minutes in their world. So, you can imagine what the inside of that thing looks like. It looks like a pinata Barry Bonds hit. We also have urban combat trained mice who by everything I figure will survive nuclear war. Oh wait North Korea‘s rocket didn’t go very far, so that’s a few decades away. But you get my point. The two combinations above equal not good. I awoke and went into kitchen to see an open microwave door with a mouse chilling laughing at me as he left a trail of black ice cream sprinkle everywhere. This story sounds pretty stupid but it is what it is, how unlucky can I be, and why leave the microwave door open fuckhead. Now I can no longer use the microwave. And that’s how the mouse shit got in the microwave.

  • Don’t trust hippie junkie fuckhead’s, they do stupid shit and train mice.
  • I don’t know why I wrote what I wrote, another bong hit.

FIN!

Kotton!