Blue Mystery!

The plight of a snail.

I think we need some more idioms and euphemisms, so, for the past month I’ve been making a list. I have no idea what they mean, any ideas for any of them could be pretty funny, see if you can get a little more creative than “Jerking off”.

  • In fifty years, would people of our age still call it scrubbing the glass pony?
  • She couldn’t believe her luck as she discovered him hiding the spindle.
  • He spent every lunch hour at home, shocking the pumpkin.
  • They were hoping the neighbors couldn’t see them trolling for the flounder.
  • The last time I had this much fun, I was fogging up the tin president.
  • From behind the curtain came the unmistakable sounds of spying on the legendary pudding.
  • Cross-examination revealed that he had a great deal of experience tucking into the dragon.
  • Shut the door! I’m inspecting the duck!
  • Let’s just say I had a lot to learn about shaking the sweaty longshoreman.
  • Will you stop laminating the smurfy Mexican justice?!
  • I couldn’t believe my luck as she started phoning the bald-headed trouser lion.
  • This unique and colorful custom is referred to as spell checking the rainbow whale.
  • He was in the bathroom, retrieving the internal sauce.
  • Needless to say, I promptly began shopping for the Swedish hamburger.
  • Dude, he smoked so much he started inverting the lower Appalachian ballroom in front of his girlfriend.
  • He was out on the beach, hammering the racist surgeon general.
  • The film shocked audiences nationwide with its frank depiction of two men angering the great pocket eggplant.
  • Halfway through the project, Ben looked like he had been holding the French taco.
  • Oblivious to the crowd of observers that was forming, the couple resumed drubbing the flesh flute.
  • I would appreciate his company more if he would stop busting the squid.
  • One thing I could never figure out was how he kept his shoes on while filing the dungeon.
  • He smoked saliva and started putting a kink in the Pop-Tart.
  • Tosh.0 secretly throws the ol’ Nantucket husky on weekends.
  • Like most guys his age, he wasn’t above icing the tractor!
  • This is not an appropriate place for landing the sacred bishop.
  • As the kids say, she was flicking the Chateau.
  • Alone once again, she retired to the bedroom and began kissing the blazing sandwich maker.
  • Guess what I’ve been doing? That’s right — hot gluing the hamster badger.
  • Whenever I drop acid I can’t help myself from flogging the otter’s duck.

How high am I?

I just made a theme song to cookin bacon.

Fish can’t see water they swim in. Well technically they can. But they don’t know it’s water, that’s just what they’ve been in all there lives.
Sometimes things aren’t what they seem.

Open your eyes.

I’m to damn high!

FIN!

Kotton!

Oh yea read this – The Unorthodox Outsider

The Five.

There exist, in the known universe, five questions that when asked in a simultaneous fashion, can erode any simple mind and replace it with a pure one that is able to question the existence of itself, as well as the world that surrounds it. This realization may not occur right away, but if you keep asking these five questions and answering them truthfully, I have a gut feeling that sooner rather than later, you will stumble across a road block that will challenge the way you’ve been built to think. To demonstrate what I mean, here are my answers from the first time I did this test. The only rule is, you can not answer a question with a repeat answer. The five questions im talking about, are of course, Who/What/When/Where/Why, am I. Do it!

Who am I?

  • A man

What am I?

  • A human

When am I?

  • 2012

Where am I?

Why am I?

  • to…reproduce?

Who am I?

  • Kotton, 30 years old

What am I?

  • A being made of billion if not trillions of independent working cells, each with a pre-determined assigned task.

When am I?

  • Near the quarter of my life, but feels more like middle of my life, but hoping that it’s just the beginning of my life.

Where am I?

Why am I?

  • to…find the happiness in life? To enjoy the life im given? To find the meaning of it all, the meaning of life?

Who am I?

  • Someone who has built up walls his entire life, to keep out the fear. Someone who had at one point accepted the fact that not doing is better than doing and failing. Someone who is trying to re-evaluate this and become one from within.

What am I?

  • A lost and confused soul, often times lacking purpose or direction, but constantly looking for signs and finding the synchronicity in the universe. I don’t know if it exists, or if Karma is real, but just in case it is, I’ll be sure to live a life that would make “Karma” proud of me.

When am I?

  • 14 billion years into the existence of this universe, and 5 billion years into the existence of this planet. In the grand scheme of things, I am at the beginning of this universe, but most probably not the beginning of “existence” as a whole.

Where am I?

  • To the best of my knowledge, my thoughts are inside of my brain, my feelings inside of my heart. Why the two are attached to co-ordinate my thoughts and movement through this existence, I don’t know. Why everything works so perfectly the way it does for me to exist, I don’t know. How I am able to look like a human even though I am made entirely of Atoms which are composed of 99.9% empty space….I don’t know. So, where am I? I dont know. Does someone/something know? An all-knowing being, perhaps? Who knows. Not me, that’s for sure.

Why am I?

  • I am the creation of a billion+ years of work. Things that happened when they needed to happen to create me, the whole me, at this moment, at this spot, to type these words. I know how I cam to be, yet I do not know why I came to be. The human spirit and the brains never-ending function is to find this answer. Many have made it their life purpose. While I may not have any clear answer to this yet, I am enjoying the ride which will one day, lead to the ultimate answer to the ultimate question.…To find out…”Why am I?”

I did a round 4 as well, but they were turning into long paragraphs, so for the time being, this is enough. Go ahead and do this for yourself, you will be surprised at what you find out when you ask yourself questions. Remember, there are only 2 rules: Don’t repeat any answers to any questions, and try to answer as honestly and openly as you possibly can.

Is laughing a natural thing? Do any animals laugh? (And no, I looked it up, Hyenas don’t actually laugh because they find something funny) Imagine the first caveman to start laughing. Everyone must have thought that motherfucker was crazy.

2 too many bong hits. Night!

FIN!

Kotton!

p.s. – I’m turning my food neon. Look for future photos.

I see you walking by.

This sentence is a lie.

The below sentence is true.

The above sentence is a lie.

How the hell do you describe a color?

Sometimes when I’m high…

  • I like to walk down long secluded roads with a backpack on and a sword in hand, just to pretend I’m one of the last survivors of a zombie apocalypse

Uncle Jack is back.

  • #9 – there’s folks say we humans
    are natural-born monsters
    an its up ta society ta try
    ta restrain us as best it can
    with law an religion an such

    an then there’s folks say we humans
    are natural-born angels
    an its up ta society ta try
    ta help us reach our potential
    an not foul us up too much

    it’s a hard subject alright
    but from what i have seen
    I kinda think the truth
    lies somewhere between.

Told you he was back.

I would rather be weird as fuck than boring as fuck.

This burger needs a name –

Read this link for info on naming… Click me bitches!

The burger has an 8oz free range beef patty. Slice of Cheddar Cheese. An orange slice. 3 pieces of bacon. 2 onion rings and more of my experimental dressing. It’s a creamy, spicy southwestern poppy-seed mustard. How can I shorten that?

Bong hit!

Night!

FIN!

Kotton!

If Onky?

He will know! Who the hell knows. I know. What the fuck am I talking about? I don’t care. I want you to write my menu for my future burger endeavor. Whats this idiot taking about now? Don’t worry about the details just check out the new section above called Menu.

  • Name my burgers dangit.
  • Did you hear? Uncle Jack is back!
  • Faggot!

Woah slow down, what the fuck does that mean? Calm down silly its food!

Check it out here Faggot. <—-

  • I wish I could have a company call Mr. Brains Faggots, got to love the UK.

You know the birds that stand in the middle of the road but fly away right before your car gets too close to them? I wonder if they go back to all their bird friends and brag about how badass they are.

  • I want a badass bird.

They should invent a white t-shirt that is impervious to stains.

  • Who the fuck is they?

Bong hit!

New burger alert : The Inception Burger – Experimental Stage. Inspired by the Inception Burrito. It is a burrito, inside a burrito, inside a burrito. Sounds delicious. Added another place on bucket of food cause of that burrito. Check it out.

This post is useless but I have to post some garbage to get the juices flowing.

FIN!

Kotton!

 

Finger Condoms.

Why the title you ask? Because you will click it duh.

Have you ever noticed that at the bottom of french fry boxes, there are little tiny slivers of french fries hiding.. they’re always at the bottom too. Has anyone ever wondered how they got there? It makes no sense to me.. Like do McDonalds people just fuck up while making them and put them in there to like make your life just a little worse? Or does the government put little edible cameras in there? I guess it wouldn’t matter because no one eats them.They always taste weird. You’d think because they’re less dense that they would be on the top.. Or maybe that only works with fluids? Yeah whatever. I don’t like them. I am going to put a stop to these tiny evil fries. Rant over but I have a lot of notes, thoughts and convos to get through.

  • I want to create a little grabber thing that holds onto an Oreo so that when you dip it in milk, your fingers don’t have to touch the milk AND you can get the whole cookie in the milk
  • Me: Wright sir, right sir, write sir lol. Ben: Did the right Wright write directions on how to fly this thing? Me: Yes, the right Wright wrote the directions on how to fly the thing. But the wrong Wright couldn’t read what was written by the right Wright and therefore made popcorn right?
  • Reverse Corn-dogs.
  • Marijuana does lead to harder stuff…
    Like trying to look inconspicuous carrying a plate of spaghetti topped with gummy bears at a cafe…
  • I’m not sexist because sexism is wrong. And being wrong is for women. I’m not racist because racism is a crime. And crime is for black people.
  • Remember the term Ten dollar burger.
  • Headquarters… you spelled rape dungeon wrong.
  • I guess you guys need something to visually stimulate you so here is a random picture I took of a sailboat.

I call it work hard and play hard. Don’t ask why cause I don’t know why. Anyhow, I need you guys to like us on Facebook and name the burger that is the profile picture. If you need to think it’s detrimental to my health, so be it. Read the last post to know what I’m talking about. “If you name it, you can’t eat it”. So get that done if you don’t mind.

I’m done with this post but I want to let you know that all the links below WordPress said were related articles to this post and I find them semi-entertaining. So that means you should click and read as well.

Oh Yea, Name my burger bitches…

FIN!

Kotton!

If you name it you can’t eat it?

It’s an old saying I think. But I disagree with it. I don’t eat burgers without names. I made this awesome burger a couple moons ago and I want to eat it again but I can’t without it having a name.

It has a grass fed beef patty, 2 strips of bacon, 4 slices of deli turkey, slice of pepper jack cheese, 2 eggs, mustard and ranch dressing, slice of american cheese. Don’t forget the bread. Why 2 eggs you ask? Well I felt it was something Chuck Norris would do and most of my life decisions are based on that idea. Would Chuck Norris do it? Then sign me up. I don’t want to name it Chuck Norris, cause that’s lame and he will sue more than likely. Pussy!

I want it to have a badass awesome name, so help me out will ya? Need a close up?

There are a few ways you can help me here. You can name it in the comment section. You can like us on Facebook and name it there. It will be the profile picture so click and name there. It will be there for a while ha, I need some likes, it’s getting lonely in here. Same as for twitter, its new and needs followers tweet your name for the burger. We will take the ones we like and let you, the imaginary people who read this vote for your favorite. So help me out you motherfuckers. This name will go on the menu, who cares if its dirty, dirtier the better.

  • Since Jesus could walk on water and humans are 78% water, does that mean if I walk on someone I’m 78% Jesus?
  • Before I eat goldfish I like to drink a whole bottle of water so they have plenty of room to swim around.
  • I’m high!
  • Leftover pie. Wait, does leftover count as 2 words? Left over. Leftover.
  • Interact with all my shit above please. Goodnight. Might walk on some people tomorrow.

FIN!

Kotton!

Did you ever wonder?

Did you ever wonder…

  • Shit, I forgot what I was wondering.
  • Stupid last bong hit.

Dinner tonight was nothing special but kinda weird. I was reading a blog post earlier that mentioned the old standby, spaghetti for dinner.

Anyway back to dinner.

  • I like to add random shit to pasta to jazz the old standby up a bit.
  • I diced some chicken breast, them boneless, skinless ones you find in your local market. More than likely the local market disappeared a few years back and replacing it was a Walmart. But I do hear farmers markets are making a comeback. About 5 dollars for 3 breast.
  • I seasoned the chicken with the cheapest salt, pepper, garlic salt and red pepper flakes that the finest Dollar Store has to offer.
  • I then cooked the chicken in an oil based Italian dressing, the finest said Wal-Mart has to offer. Cook until threat of salmonella is diminished.
  • Then I added 2 cans of off-brand cream of mushroom soup to the chicken with about a half cup more of dressing.
  • Add pasta and mix.

  • Then if your bored go back for seconds, but this time add a red sauce like marinara. Just as good I promise.

  • You can also load it up with cheddar cheese and pop it in oven or microwave and bake that shit. I did, it was amazing with a little ranch dressing. Yummalicious. And yes, the seconds were put on same plate, don’t judge.
  • I’m done with this post, fuck it.
  • I’m watching you Turkey Hill!

FIN!

Kotton!