Tag Archives: earth

Sometimes we get too fucked up.

Chicken pot pie – my three favorite things.

  • Take a pack of dessert fudge pop-tarts
  • Toast the pop-tarts in the toaster
  • Take out your choice of ice cream
  • Put ice cream in between pop-tarts
  • Proceed to let your taste buds make love with the gods

I was driving back to my house with my friend and this really Noir-like jazzy song comes on. I instantly set the stage with, “1925, New York City, raining at midnight.” My friend starts to narrate a man sitting at a table with a lady in a restaurant with all of these awesome details in an old style voice. it was the coolest thing I’ve heard in a while. felt like I was driving in a black and white movie.

…Why the hell do clothes get wet? Wouldn’t it be the shit if you just stuck your sock in a lake and pulled it out completely dry? Pardon the raging boner.

Dirty joke : A vagina is like the weather. Once its wet, it’s time to go inside.

I woke up today, got out of bed, and just stood there looking at my bed. You might think I’m crazy after reading that, but I was thinking about what I would do if I happened to wake up in my bed right then after seemingly having woken up once already. That would be a first for me. I wouldn’t know what to do.

My Mind:

A wanderer.
It comes and goes.
A ponderer.
I’d like to think it knows.
Like keys.
Easily lost.
Like disease.
Great cost.
Like true love.
Hard to find.
All of the above.
My mind.

Talking to Strangers – A T.V. show I want to make. More about it later.

I was worried about putting that as the title but when I did, related articles had a similar title, well just the word fuck so I thought if they can do it so can I.

World’s First Stoners:

  • Caveman #1: Mmm, green plant smell good.
  • Caveman #2. Grunt grunt, mm maybe it burn well.
  • 20 minutes later.
  • Caveman #1: Grunt, me feel funny.
  • Caveman #2: We should make book about magical man who fall from sky and get nailed to cross. Just to fuck with people.

Note: My interpretation of a caveman is a lil’ rusty…

Enough with the random shit!

FIN!

Kotton!

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Discombobulated Thoughts

I am the faceless co-blogger. I was born in July 1988. Ever wonder what that day was like when you were born? What bills were signed into law? Who died? Who else was born? Who was imprisoned and why? Who was let out of prison? What was the first item of clothing they bought when they got out prison? I don’t know.

This is a glimpse of freedom. From the near rooftop balconies overlooking the barbed wire and raw, grey brick structures came the echo of laughter, shouting, clinging of the baton batting against the iron bars, and the sharing of a bouquet of flowers to one man surrounded by family walking the long outdoor corridor to the sidewalks. Dirty streets littered with McDonalds styrofoam tea cups, half-empty Bud Light beer cans–two divergent examples of childhood and adulthood rolling toward the gutter to be entangled in the sewage treatment plants farther down river. August 1990 city blocks from Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, where a year earlier, Yusuf Hawkins never bought his first car. Pronounced dead on the scene, paramedics started the clean-up process that would never be bleached clean, never be swept tidily outside, that one spot on the street never sanitized. Sanitation workers picked up trashcans and emptied them into the truck, while early morning risers walked their dogs, fuming that violence came to their streets.

Ian didn’t hear any of it except from inside the walls of barren brick. Bensonhurst called its son back home. The storm arose from the angry depths of a populace tired from hot muggy Brooklyn summers, violence for no reason, and a city shifting. In January, Al Sharpton would be stabbed; but now, Ian walked with his mother and two cousins to the parking lot. Two years for stealing a tv from an family down the street when they weren’t home. Perhaps it was  a blessing he’d left his knife at home. Locked up for stealing a television. He just wanted to give his brother a good gift for his birthday. Oddly, the family said keep the television but still go to prison.

The ride home, stoplight, go, stoplight, go, stoplight go. He thought of the upper bay and how he wished to have a sailboat. Sailing toward the water, away from Bensonhurst, sailing from the storm he was riding into. No one knew the riots that migrated to the West Coast a two years from now. When Ian was little he wanted to teach, to teach math. School didn’t taught him nothing, except the basic laws of supply and demand, until his best friend, Ryan, was shot and killed outside the 7/11 on the corner while he waited for the bus back to Bensonhurst. That Monday back at school felt empty and silent for him. He just wanted to get home, lock his bedroom door and read more of Adam Smith.  Who knew much about this fat, white man from years ago? Ian liked what he had to say, but every once in a while, something hit close to home.

“The interest of the dealers, however, in any particular branch of trade or manufactures, is always in some respects different from, and even opposite to, that of the public. To widen the market and to narrow the competition, is always the interest of the dealers.”

All he could think about was the paramedics and the white sheet on the corner just past the 7/11. From then on, he visited Ryan’s grave every year on his birthday to bring him some cokes and oatmeal cookies, they’re favorite snack as they waved to the girls walking by their stoop.

On the ride home, they stopped by the Gas Mart to get cokes, and Ian grabbed a stuffed oatmeal cookie. He asked them to drop him off at the library, claiming he needed some time to himself before he saw the rest of the family;  and he would walk home when it closed. Reluctantly, they did so. He walked through the aisles of books till he found Smith. “Nothing but the most exemplary morals can give dignity to a man of small fortune.” He had to give something back.

On November 24th, 1992…

I found two snowflakes that were exaxtily alike.

  • And I will not let it go!

Exaxtily retarded!

Exaxtily?

I was mixed on what to call this post. I had this idea and then had an idea about Awkwardness. Specifically while being high. If you are still reading this beware below it gets kinda raunchy and offensive. It’s me so fuck it.

I’ve been thinking back about hilariously weird awkward moments I’ve spent in my life I was extremely high. Why is this?

Some examples:

  • Seeing someone you knew from middle school, a teacher, church, friends parents etc.
  • You for whatever reason cannot understand a single word the clerk says at the register when you are trying to buy your munchies.
  • Your get asked for some change by a bum and he shakes your hand and it’s wet and weird.
  • You end up seeing your gf/bf when you “couldn’t” hang out
  • You fart an it wasn’t silent.
  • You fart and it was silent, but the smell is putrid, and your with only one other person.
  • You laughed at something very inappropriate.
  • You ate all the nachos.

I don’t know why it is! But fuck I’ve had some hilarious moments.. Too bad I can’t remember even half.

Then my couch friend chimes in:

  • My neighbor’s dog came after me when I was skating baked once. The neighbor was a real old lady and told me that her son used to skateboard and the dog used to love it until he passed away. I responded with “haha cool” and skated away.
  • Or when mom walks in on you jacking off in your mouth. Fucking embarrassing. Most awkward time at the diner table that night.
  • Or when you’re jacking into moms mouth and she wakes up.

That’s kinda fucked up.

You can never go too far when you’re talking on the internet.

Mayonnaise.

Is  mayonnaise an instrument?

Bong Hit!

Hmm, that’s a good question. Let’s find the definition for the word “instrument”

*puts on glasses and picks up book*

*flips page*

Ah “instrument”
Main Entry: 1in·stru·ment
Pronunciation: \ˈin(t)-strə-mənt\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin instrumentum, from instruere to arrange, instruct
Date: 14th century
1 : a device used to produce music; also : a singing voice
2 a : a means whereby something is achieved, performed, or furthered b : one used by another as a means or aid : dupe, tool
3 : implement; especially : one designed for precision work
4 : a formal legal document (as a deed, bond, or agreement)
5 a : a measuring device for determining the present value of a quantity under observation b : an electrical or mechanical device used in navigating an airplane; especially : such a device used as the sole means of navigating

*closes book*

So to answer your question it can be depending how it’s being used.

Fuckin high.

Man, I hate those commercials. “What would you do for a Klondike bar?”
… Walk to the fuckin freezer.

FIN!

Kotton!

Academic Stoner! Part 1.

No I’m not going to sit here and bore you with my academic accolades as a stoner, you don’t want to read all of that, it’s a long list. Sorry if I forgot to tell you I’m a genius.

Anywho, Academic Stoner is a band name I came up with. I have a slew I jot down every now and then and thought I would share some with you. Part 1 means I have a shit ton of names. Enjoy and feel free to share yours with me bitches. I’ll give you 15 in each part.

  • Crisp Worm
  • Coalition Of The Digestive Goggle
  • Pyramid Yogurt
  • Sexual South
  • Long Aftermath And The Apologetic Fusion
  • Entertainment Of The Uprising Gnat
  • Broiled Priest
  • Motivated Mediocrity
  • Moldy Glimpse And The Horned Tragedy
  •  Right-wing Of The Incoming
  • Typical Ordinance And The Deaf Path
  • Snatch N’ Sniff
  • Adult-oriented Kneecap
  • Lubricated Patriot
  • Angst’n’Ankhs – Egyptian Emo Band – ha!

I’m high and River Monsters makes me want to fish the world.

FIN!

Kotton!

You get what you got! Shit! Ha!

Next one in this series is Clam Whistle Part 2.

Blue Mystery!

The plight of a snail.

I think we need some more idioms and euphemisms, so, for the past month I’ve been making a list. I have no idea what they mean, any ideas for any of them could be pretty funny, see if you can get a little more creative than “Jerking off”.

  • In fifty years, would people of our age still call it scrubbing the glass pony?
  • She couldn’t believe her luck as she discovered him hiding the spindle.
  • He spent every lunch hour at home, shocking the pumpkin.
  • They were hoping the neighbors couldn’t see them trolling for the flounder.
  • The last time I had this much fun, I was fogging up the tin president.
  • From behind the curtain came the unmistakable sounds of spying on the legendary pudding.
  • Cross-examination revealed that he had a great deal of experience tucking into the dragon.
  • Shut the door! I’m inspecting the duck!
  • Let’s just say I had a lot to learn about shaking the sweaty longshoreman.
  • Will you stop laminating the smurfy Mexican justice?!
  • I couldn’t believe my luck as she started phoning the bald-headed trouser lion.
  • This unique and colorful custom is referred to as spell checking the rainbow whale.
  • He was in the bathroom, retrieving the internal sauce.
  • Needless to say, I promptly began shopping for the Swedish hamburger.
  • Dude, he smoked so much he started inverting the lower Appalachian ballroom in front of his girlfriend.
  • He was out on the beach, hammering the racist surgeon general.
  • The film shocked audiences nationwide with its frank depiction of two men angering the great pocket eggplant.
  • Halfway through the project, Ben looked like he had been holding the French taco.
  • Oblivious to the crowd of observers that was forming, the couple resumed drubbing the flesh flute.
  • I would appreciate his company more if he would stop busting the squid.
  • One thing I could never figure out was how he kept his shoes on while filing the dungeon.
  • He smoked saliva and started putting a kink in the Pop-Tart.
  • Tosh.0 secretly throws the ol’ Nantucket husky on weekends.
  • Like most guys his age, he wasn’t above icing the tractor!
  • This is not an appropriate place for landing the sacred bishop.
  • As the kids say, she was flicking the Chateau.
  • Alone once again, she retired to the bedroom and began kissing the blazing sandwich maker.
  • Guess what I’ve been doing? That’s right — hot gluing the hamster badger.
  • Whenever I drop acid I can’t help myself from flogging the otter’s duck.

How high am I?

I just made a theme song to cookin bacon.

Fish can’t see water they swim in. Well technically they can. But they don’t know it’s water, that’s just what they’ve been in all there lives.
Sometimes things aren’t what they seem.

Open your eyes.

I’m to damn high!

FIN!

Kotton!

Oh yea read this – The Unorthodox Outsider

The Five.

There exist, in the known universe, five questions that when asked in a simultaneous fashion, can erode any simple mind and replace it with a pure one that is able to question the existence of itself, as well as the world that surrounds it. This realization may not occur right away, but if you keep asking these five questions and answering them truthfully, I have a gut feeling that sooner rather than later, you will stumble across a road block that will challenge the way you’ve been built to think. To demonstrate what I mean, here are my answers from the first time I did this test. The only rule is, you can not answer a question with a repeat answer. The five questions im talking about, are of course, Who/What/When/Where/Why, am I. Do it!

Who am I?

  • A man

What am I?

  • A human

When am I?

  • 2012

Where am I?

Why am I?

  • to…reproduce?

Who am I?

  • Kotton, 30 years old

What am I?

  • A being made of billion if not trillions of independent working cells, each with a pre-determined assigned task.

When am I?

  • Near the quarter of my life, but feels more like middle of my life, but hoping that it’s just the beginning of my life.

Where am I?

Why am I?

  • to…find the happiness in life? To enjoy the life im given? To find the meaning of it all, the meaning of life?

Who am I?

  • Someone who has built up walls his entire life, to keep out the fear. Someone who had at one point accepted the fact that not doing is better than doing and failing. Someone who is trying to re-evaluate this and become one from within.

What am I?

  • A lost and confused soul, often times lacking purpose or direction, but constantly looking for signs and finding the synchronicity in the universe. I don’t know if it exists, or if Karma is real, but just in case it is, I’ll be sure to live a life that would make “Karma” proud of me.

When am I?

  • 14 billion years into the existence of this universe, and 5 billion years into the existence of this planet. In the grand scheme of things, I am at the beginning of this universe, but most probably not the beginning of “existence” as a whole.

Where am I?

  • To the best of my knowledge, my thoughts are inside of my brain, my feelings inside of my heart. Why the two are attached to co-ordinate my thoughts and movement through this existence, I don’t know. Why everything works so perfectly the way it does for me to exist, I don’t know. How I am able to look like a human even though I am made entirely of Atoms which are composed of 99.9% empty space….I don’t know. So, where am I? I dont know. Does someone/something know? An all-knowing being, perhaps? Who knows. Not me, that’s for sure.

Why am I?

  • I am the creation of a billion+ years of work. Things that happened when they needed to happen to create me, the whole me, at this moment, at this spot, to type these words. I know how I cam to be, yet I do not know why I came to be. The human spirit and the brains never-ending function is to find this answer. Many have made it their life purpose. While I may not have any clear answer to this yet, I am enjoying the ride which will one day, lead to the ultimate answer to the ultimate question.…To find out…”Why am I?”

I did a round 4 as well, but they were turning into long paragraphs, so for the time being, this is enough. Go ahead and do this for yourself, you will be surprised at what you find out when you ask yourself questions. Remember, there are only 2 rules: Don’t repeat any answers to any questions, and try to answer as honestly and openly as you possibly can.

Is laughing a natural thing? Do any animals laugh? (And no, I looked it up, Hyenas don’t actually laugh because they find something funny) Imagine the first caveman to start laughing. Everyone must have thought that motherfucker was crazy.

2 too many bong hits. Night!

FIN!

Kotton!

p.s. – I’m turning my food neon. Look for future photos.

If Onky?

He will know! Who the hell knows. I know. What the fuck am I talking about? I don’t care. I want you to write my menu for my future burger endeavor. Whats this idiot taking about now? Don’t worry about the details just check out the new section above called Menu.

  • Name my burgers dangit.
  • Did you hear? Uncle Jack is back!
  • Faggot!

Woah slow down, what the fuck does that mean? Calm down silly its food!

Check it out here Faggot. <—-

  • I wish I could have a company call Mr. Brains Faggots, got to love the UK.

You know the birds that stand in the middle of the road but fly away right before your car gets too close to them? I wonder if they go back to all their bird friends and brag about how badass they are.

  • I want a badass bird.

They should invent a white t-shirt that is impervious to stains.

  • Who the fuck is they?

Bong hit!

New burger alert : The Inception Burger – Experimental Stage. Inspired by the Inception Burrito. It is a burrito, inside a burrito, inside a burrito. Sounds delicious. Added another place on bucket of food cause of that burrito. Check it out.

This post is useless but I have to post some garbage to get the juices flowing.

FIN!

Kotton!