Tag Archives: Facebook

Barbaric Confederate And The Political Grandma Part 3.

  • Flower Cum

The moment you start typing what you are thinking. I found some interesting mayonnaise to try on some new burgers. I need to get to getting on the burgers.

Condoms are currently dancing on the T.V.

Anyhow, back to the subject at hand, random shit and a few band names. If you need to be refreshed on the band names, start from the beginning then make your way back here.

Academic Stoner part 1.  <— Click Me!

Clam Whistle part 2. <— Click Me!

Now that you are caught up here are some more names –

  • Incomplete Subconscious
  • Fetal Pulp And The Mexican Dazzle
  •  Rump War
  •  Misled Demise

What kind of world do we live in where paper beats rock. What the fuck! Cool band name though.

  • Paper beats Rock
  • Cluster Fuck of Weed Jars
  • Dead Hookers
  • Parking Ticket
  • Dirty Bong

Just kidding about the last four I was just typing what I saw around my room.

  • Ugly Yesterday
  • Excessive Nuts
  • Rustic Prisoner And The Switch

Enough names for the night. Got to go add these names to the fake band t-shirts and bumper stickers.

In the next series I will add the band names friends suggested on Facebook.

You know you’re high when you start putting whipped cream on your ketchup.

Ha! Burgers tomorrow.

FIN!

Kotton!

 

Clam Whistle Part 2.

Read Academic Stoner Part 1 before you read this one.

  • Lumpy Space Princess
  • Snow Gravy
  • Armored Zipper
  • Slim Sight
  • Hooker Transfer
  • Mobile Itch
  • Flushing Domination
  • Innate Stalker
  • Ageless Abduction
  • Mildew Coconut
  • Raised Asshole
  • Bagel of Doom
  • Vulgar Sunshine
  • Muted Helmet
  • Indifferent Winner and the Glorified Buckle

FIN!

Kotton!

Barbaric Confederate And The Political Grandma Part 3.

Sometimes we get too fucked up.

Chicken pot pie – my three favorite things.

  • Take a pack of dessert fudge pop-tarts
  • Toast the pop-tarts in the toaster
  • Take out your choice of ice cream
  • Put ice cream in between pop-tarts
  • Proceed to let your taste buds make love with the gods

I was driving back to my house with my friend and this really Noir-like jazzy song comes on. I instantly set the stage with, “1925, New York City, raining at midnight.” My friend starts to narrate a man sitting at a table with a lady in a restaurant with all of these awesome details in an old style voice. it was the coolest thing I’ve heard in a while. felt like I was driving in a black and white movie.

…Why the hell do clothes get wet? Wouldn’t it be the shit if you just stuck your sock in a lake and pulled it out completely dry? Pardon the raging boner.

Dirty joke : A vagina is like the weather. Once its wet, it’s time to go inside.

I woke up today, got out of bed, and just stood there looking at my bed. You might think I’m crazy after reading that, but I was thinking about what I would do if I happened to wake up in my bed right then after seemingly having woken up once already. That would be a first for me. I wouldn’t know what to do.

My Mind:

A wanderer.
It comes and goes.
A ponderer.
I’d like to think it knows.
Like keys.
Easily lost.
Like disease.
Great cost.
Like true love.
Hard to find.
All of the above.
My mind.

Talking to Strangers – A T.V. show I want to make. More about it later.

I was worried about putting that as the title but when I did, related articles had a similar title, well just the word fuck so I thought if they can do it so can I.

World’s First Stoners:

  • Caveman #1: Mmm, green plant smell good.
  • Caveman #2. Grunt grunt, mm maybe it burn well.
  • 20 minutes later.
  • Caveman #1: Grunt, me feel funny.
  • Caveman #2: We should make book about magical man who fall from sky and get nailed to cross. Just to fuck with people.

Note: My interpretation of a caveman is a lil’ rusty…

Enough with the random shit!

FIN!

Kotton!

On November 24th, 1992…

I found two snowflakes that were exaxtily alike.

  • And I will not let it go!

Exaxtily retarded!

Exaxtily?

I was mixed on what to call this post. I had this idea and then had an idea about Awkwardness. Specifically while being high. If you are still reading this beware below it gets kinda raunchy and offensive. It’s me so fuck it.

I’ve been thinking back about hilariously weird awkward moments I’ve spent in my life I was extremely high. Why is this?

Some examples:

  • Seeing someone you knew from middle school, a teacher, church, friends parents etc.
  • You for whatever reason cannot understand a single word the clerk says at the register when you are trying to buy your munchies.
  • Your get asked for some change by a bum and he shakes your hand and it’s wet and weird.
  • You end up seeing your gf/bf when you “couldn’t” hang out
  • You fart an it wasn’t silent.
  • You fart and it was silent, but the smell is putrid, and your with only one other person.
  • You laughed at something very inappropriate.
  • You ate all the nachos.

I don’t know why it is! But fuck I’ve had some hilarious moments.. Too bad I can’t remember even half.

Then my couch friend chimes in:

  • My neighbor’s dog came after me when I was skating baked once. The neighbor was a real old lady and told me that her son used to skateboard and the dog used to love it until he passed away. I responded with “haha cool” and skated away.
  • Or when mom walks in on you jacking off in your mouth. Fucking embarrassing. Most awkward time at the diner table that night.
  • Or when you’re jacking into moms mouth and she wakes up.

That’s kinda fucked up.

You can never go too far when you’re talking on the internet.

Mayonnaise.

Is  mayonnaise an instrument?

Bong Hit!

Hmm, that’s a good question. Let’s find the definition for the word “instrument”

*puts on glasses and picks up book*

*flips page*

Ah “instrument”
Main Entry: 1in·stru·ment
Pronunciation: \ˈin(t)-strə-mənt\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin instrumentum, from instruere to arrange, instruct
Date: 14th century
1 : a device used to produce music; also : a singing voice
2 a : a means whereby something is achieved, performed, or furthered b : one used by another as a means or aid : dupe, tool
3 : implement; especially : one designed for precision work
4 : a formal legal document (as a deed, bond, or agreement)
5 a : a measuring device for determining the present value of a quantity under observation b : an electrical or mechanical device used in navigating an airplane; especially : such a device used as the sole means of navigating

*closes book*

So to answer your question it can be depending how it’s being used.

Fuckin high.

Man, I hate those commercials. “What would you do for a Klondike bar?”
… Walk to the fuckin freezer.

FIN!

Kotton!

Academic Stoner! Part 1.

No I’m not going to sit here and bore you with my academic accolades as a stoner, you don’t want to read all of that, it’s a long list. Sorry if I forgot to tell you I’m a genius.

Anywho, Academic Stoner is a band name I came up with. I have a slew I jot down every now and then and thought I would share some with you. Part 1 means I have a shit ton of names. Enjoy and feel free to share yours with me bitches. I’ll give you 15 in each part.

  • Crisp Worm
  • Coalition Of The Digestive Goggle
  • Pyramid Yogurt
  • Sexual South
  • Long Aftermath And The Apologetic Fusion
  • Entertainment Of The Uprising Gnat
  • Broiled Priest
  • Motivated Mediocrity
  • Moldy Glimpse And The Horned Tragedy
  •  Right-wing Of The Incoming
  • Typical Ordinance And The Deaf Path
  • Snatch N’ Sniff
  • Adult-oriented Kneecap
  • Lubricated Patriot
  • Angst’n’Ankhs – Egyptian Emo Band – ha!

I’m high and River Monsters makes me want to fish the world.

FIN!

Kotton!

You get what you got! Shit! Ha!

Next one in this series is Clam Whistle Part 2.

Blue Mystery!

The plight of a snail.

I think we need some more idioms and euphemisms, so, for the past month I’ve been making a list. I have no idea what they mean, any ideas for any of them could be pretty funny, see if you can get a little more creative than “Jerking off”.

  • In fifty years, would people of our age still call it scrubbing the glass pony?
  • She couldn’t believe her luck as she discovered him hiding the spindle.
  • He spent every lunch hour at home, shocking the pumpkin.
  • They were hoping the neighbors couldn’t see them trolling for the flounder.
  • The last time I had this much fun, I was fogging up the tin president.
  • From behind the curtain came the unmistakable sounds of spying on the legendary pudding.
  • Cross-examination revealed that he had a great deal of experience tucking into the dragon.
  • Shut the door! I’m inspecting the duck!
  • Let’s just say I had a lot to learn about shaking the sweaty longshoreman.
  • Will you stop laminating the smurfy Mexican justice?!
  • I couldn’t believe my luck as she started phoning the bald-headed trouser lion.
  • This unique and colorful custom is referred to as spell checking the rainbow whale.
  • He was in the bathroom, retrieving the internal sauce.
  • Needless to say, I promptly began shopping for the Swedish hamburger.
  • Dude, he smoked so much he started inverting the lower Appalachian ballroom in front of his girlfriend.
  • He was out on the beach, hammering the racist surgeon general.
  • The film shocked audiences nationwide with its frank depiction of two men angering the great pocket eggplant.
  • Halfway through the project, Ben looked like he had been holding the French taco.
  • Oblivious to the crowd of observers that was forming, the couple resumed drubbing the flesh flute.
  • I would appreciate his company more if he would stop busting the squid.
  • One thing I could never figure out was how he kept his shoes on while filing the dungeon.
  • He smoked saliva and started putting a kink in the Pop-Tart.
  • Tosh.0 secretly throws the ol’ Nantucket husky on weekends.
  • Like most guys his age, he wasn’t above icing the tractor!
  • This is not an appropriate place for landing the sacred bishop.
  • As the kids say, she was flicking the Chateau.
  • Alone once again, she retired to the bedroom and began kissing the blazing sandwich maker.
  • Guess what I’ve been doing? That’s right — hot gluing the hamster badger.
  • Whenever I drop acid I can’t help myself from flogging the otter’s duck.

How high am I?

I just made a theme song to cookin bacon.

Fish can’t see water they swim in. Well technically they can. But they don’t know it’s water, that’s just what they’ve been in all there lives.
Sometimes things aren’t what they seem.

Open your eyes.

I’m to damn high!

FIN!

Kotton!

Oh yea read this – The Unorthodox Outsider

The Five.

There exist, in the known universe, five questions that when asked in a simultaneous fashion, can erode any simple mind and replace it with a pure one that is able to question the existence of itself, as well as the world that surrounds it. This realization may not occur right away, but if you keep asking these five questions and answering them truthfully, I have a gut feeling that sooner rather than later, you will stumble across a road block that will challenge the way you’ve been built to think. To demonstrate what I mean, here are my answers from the first time I did this test. The only rule is, you can not answer a question with a repeat answer. The five questions im talking about, are of course, Who/What/When/Where/Why, am I. Do it!

Who am I?

  • A man

What am I?

  • A human

When am I?

  • 2012

Where am I?

Why am I?

  • to…reproduce?

Who am I?

  • Kotton, 30 years old

What am I?

  • A being made of billion if not trillions of independent working cells, each with a pre-determined assigned task.

When am I?

  • Near the quarter of my life, but feels more like middle of my life, but hoping that it’s just the beginning of my life.

Where am I?

Why am I?

  • to…find the happiness in life? To enjoy the life im given? To find the meaning of it all, the meaning of life?

Who am I?

  • Someone who has built up walls his entire life, to keep out the fear. Someone who had at one point accepted the fact that not doing is better than doing and failing. Someone who is trying to re-evaluate this and become one from within.

What am I?

  • A lost and confused soul, often times lacking purpose or direction, but constantly looking for signs and finding the synchronicity in the universe. I don’t know if it exists, or if Karma is real, but just in case it is, I’ll be sure to live a life that would make “Karma” proud of me.

When am I?

  • 14 billion years into the existence of this universe, and 5 billion years into the existence of this planet. In the grand scheme of things, I am at the beginning of this universe, but most probably not the beginning of “existence” as a whole.

Where am I?

  • To the best of my knowledge, my thoughts are inside of my brain, my feelings inside of my heart. Why the two are attached to co-ordinate my thoughts and movement through this existence, I don’t know. Why everything works so perfectly the way it does for me to exist, I don’t know. How I am able to look like a human even though I am made entirely of Atoms which are composed of 99.9% empty space….I don’t know. So, where am I? I dont know. Does someone/something know? An all-knowing being, perhaps? Who knows. Not me, that’s for sure.

Why am I?

  • I am the creation of a billion+ years of work. Things that happened when they needed to happen to create me, the whole me, at this moment, at this spot, to type these words. I know how I cam to be, yet I do not know why I came to be. The human spirit and the brains never-ending function is to find this answer. Many have made it their life purpose. While I may not have any clear answer to this yet, I am enjoying the ride which will one day, lead to the ultimate answer to the ultimate question.…To find out…”Why am I?”

I did a round 4 as well, but they were turning into long paragraphs, so for the time being, this is enough. Go ahead and do this for yourself, you will be surprised at what you find out when you ask yourself questions. Remember, there are only 2 rules: Don’t repeat any answers to any questions, and try to answer as honestly and openly as you possibly can.

Is laughing a natural thing? Do any animals laugh? (And no, I looked it up, Hyenas don’t actually laugh because they find something funny) Imagine the first caveman to start laughing. Everyone must have thought that motherfucker was crazy.

2 too many bong hits. Night!

FIN!

Kotton!

p.s. – I’m turning my food neon. Look for future photos.