Tag Archives: Pop-Tart

Sometimes we get too fucked up.

Chicken pot pie – my three favorite things.

  • Take a pack of dessert fudge pop-tarts
  • Toast the pop-tarts in the toaster
  • Take out your choice of ice cream
  • Put ice cream in between pop-tarts
  • Proceed to let your taste buds make love with the gods

I was driving back to my house with my friend and this really Noir-like jazzy song comes on. I instantly set the stage with, “1925, New York City, raining at midnight.” My friend starts to narrate a man sitting at a table with a lady in a restaurant with all of these awesome details in an old style voice. it was the coolest thing I’ve heard in a while. felt like I was driving in a black and white movie.

…Why the hell do clothes get wet? Wouldn’t it be the shit if you just stuck your sock in a lake and pulled it out completely dry? Pardon the raging boner.

Dirty joke : A vagina is like the weather. Once its wet, it’s time to go inside.

I woke up today, got out of bed, and just stood there looking at my bed. You might think I’m crazy after reading that, but I was thinking about what I would do if I happened to wake up in my bed right then after seemingly having woken up once already. That would be a first for me. I wouldn’t know what to do.

My Mind:

A wanderer.
It comes and goes.
A ponderer.
I’d like to think it knows.
Like keys.
Easily lost.
Like disease.
Great cost.
Like true love.
Hard to find.
All of the above.
My mind.

Talking to Strangers – A T.V. show I want to make. More about it later.

I was worried about putting that as the title but when I did, related articles had a similar title, well just the word fuck so I thought if they can do it so can I.

World’s First Stoners:

  • Caveman #1: Mmm, green plant smell good.
  • Caveman #2. Grunt grunt, mm maybe it burn well.
  • 20 minutes later.
  • Caveman #1: Grunt, me feel funny.
  • Caveman #2: We should make book about magical man who fall from sky and get nailed to cross. Just to fuck with people.

Note: My interpretation of a caveman is a lil’ rusty…

Enough with the random shit!

FIN!

Kotton!

Blue Mystery!

The plight of a snail.

I think we need some more idioms and euphemisms, so, for the past month I’ve been making a list. I have no idea what they mean, any ideas for any of them could be pretty funny, see if you can get a little more creative than “Jerking off”.

  • In fifty years, would people of our age still call it scrubbing the glass pony?
  • She couldn’t believe her luck as she discovered him hiding the spindle.
  • He spent every lunch hour at home, shocking the pumpkin.
  • They were hoping the neighbors couldn’t see them trolling for the flounder.
  • The last time I had this much fun, I was fogging up the tin president.
  • From behind the curtain came the unmistakable sounds of spying on the legendary pudding.
  • Cross-examination revealed that he had a great deal of experience tucking into the dragon.
  • Shut the door! I’m inspecting the duck!
  • Let’s just say I had a lot to learn about shaking the sweaty longshoreman.
  • Will you stop laminating the smurfy Mexican justice?!
  • I couldn’t believe my luck as she started phoning the bald-headed trouser lion.
  • This unique and colorful custom is referred to as spell checking the rainbow whale.
  • He was in the bathroom, retrieving the internal sauce.
  • Needless to say, I promptly began shopping for the Swedish hamburger.
  • Dude, he smoked so much he started inverting the lower Appalachian ballroom in front of his girlfriend.
  • He was out on the beach, hammering the racist surgeon general.
  • The film shocked audiences nationwide with its frank depiction of two men angering the great pocket eggplant.
  • Halfway through the project, Ben looked like he had been holding the French taco.
  • Oblivious to the crowd of observers that was forming, the couple resumed drubbing the flesh flute.
  • I would appreciate his company more if he would stop busting the squid.
  • One thing I could never figure out was how he kept his shoes on while filing the dungeon.
  • He smoked saliva and started putting a kink in the Pop-Tart.
  • Tosh.0 secretly throws the ol’ Nantucket husky on weekends.
  • Like most guys his age, he wasn’t above icing the tractor!
  • This is not an appropriate place for landing the sacred bishop.
  • As the kids say, she was flicking the Chateau.
  • Alone once again, she retired to the bedroom and began kissing the blazing sandwich maker.
  • Guess what I’ve been doing? That’s right — hot gluing the hamster badger.
  • Whenever I drop acid I can’t help myself from flogging the otter’s duck.

How high am I?

I just made a theme song to cookin bacon.

Fish can’t see water they swim in. Well technically they can. But they don’t know it’s water, that’s just what they’ve been in all there lives.
Sometimes things aren’t what they seem.

Open your eyes.

I’m to damn high!

FIN!

Kotton!

Oh yea read this – The Unorthodox Outsider