Tag Archives: sandwich

Academic Stoner! Part 1.

No I’m not going to sit here and bore you with my academic accolades as a stoner, you don’t want to read all of that, it’s a long list. Sorry if I forgot to tell you I’m a genius.

Anywho, Academic Stoner is a band name I came up with. I have a slew I jot down every now and then and thought I would share some with you. Part 1 means I have a shit ton of names. Enjoy and feel free to share yours with me bitches. I’ll give you 15 in each part.

  • Crisp Worm
  • Coalition Of The Digestive Goggle
  • Pyramid Yogurt
  • Sexual South
  • Long Aftermath And The Apologetic Fusion
  • Entertainment Of The Uprising Gnat
  • Broiled Priest
  • Motivated Mediocrity
  • Moldy Glimpse And The Horned Tragedy
  •  Right-wing Of The Incoming
  • Typical Ordinance And The Deaf Path
  • Snatch N’ Sniff
  • Adult-oriented Kneecap
  • Lubricated Patriot
  • Angst’n’Ankhs – Egyptian Emo Band – ha!

I’m high and River Monsters makes me want to fish the world.

FIN!

Kotton!

You get what you got! Shit! Ha!

Next one in this series is Clam Whistle Part 2.

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Blue Mystery!

The plight of a snail.

I think we need some more idioms and euphemisms, so, for the past month I’ve been making a list. I have no idea what they mean, any ideas for any of them could be pretty funny, see if you can get a little more creative than “Jerking off”.

  • In fifty years, would people of our age still call it scrubbing the glass pony?
  • She couldn’t believe her luck as she discovered him hiding the spindle.
  • He spent every lunch hour at home, shocking the pumpkin.
  • They were hoping the neighbors couldn’t see them trolling for the flounder.
  • The last time I had this much fun, I was fogging up the tin president.
  • From behind the curtain came the unmistakable sounds of spying on the legendary pudding.
  • Cross-examination revealed that he had a great deal of experience tucking into the dragon.
  • Shut the door! I’m inspecting the duck!
  • Let’s just say I had a lot to learn about shaking the sweaty longshoreman.
  • Will you stop laminating the smurfy Mexican justice?!
  • I couldn’t believe my luck as she started phoning the bald-headed trouser lion.
  • This unique and colorful custom is referred to as spell checking the rainbow whale.
  • He was in the bathroom, retrieving the internal sauce.
  • Needless to say, I promptly began shopping for the Swedish hamburger.
  • Dude, he smoked so much he started inverting the lower Appalachian ballroom in front of his girlfriend.
  • He was out on the beach, hammering the racist surgeon general.
  • The film shocked audiences nationwide with its frank depiction of two men angering the great pocket eggplant.
  • Halfway through the project, Ben looked like he had been holding the French taco.
  • Oblivious to the crowd of observers that was forming, the couple resumed drubbing the flesh flute.
  • I would appreciate his company more if he would stop busting the squid.
  • One thing I could never figure out was how he kept his shoes on while filing the dungeon.
  • He smoked saliva and started putting a kink in the Pop-Tart.
  • Tosh.0 secretly throws the ol’ Nantucket husky on weekends.
  • Like most guys his age, he wasn’t above icing the tractor!
  • This is not an appropriate place for landing the sacred bishop.
  • As the kids say, she was flicking the Chateau.
  • Alone once again, she retired to the bedroom and began kissing the blazing sandwich maker.
  • Guess what I’ve been doing? That’s right — hot gluing the hamster badger.
  • Whenever I drop acid I can’t help myself from flogging the otter’s duck.

How high am I?

I just made a theme song to cookin bacon.

Fish can’t see water they swim in. Well technically they can. But they don’t know it’s water, that’s just what they’ve been in all there lives.
Sometimes things aren’t what they seem.

Open your eyes.

I’m to damn high!

FIN!

Kotton!

Oh yea read this – The Unorthodox Outsider

I see you walking by.

This sentence is a lie.

The below sentence is true.

The above sentence is a lie.

How the hell do you describe a color?

Sometimes when I’m high…

  • I like to walk down long secluded roads with a backpack on and a sword in hand, just to pretend I’m one of the last survivors of a zombie apocalypse

Uncle Jack is back.

  • #9 – there’s folks say we humans
    are natural-born monsters
    an its up ta society ta try
    ta restrain us as best it can
    with law an religion an such

    an then there’s folks say we humans
    are natural-born angels
    an its up ta society ta try
    ta help us reach our potential
    an not foul us up too much

    it’s a hard subject alright
    but from what i have seen
    I kinda think the truth
    lies somewhere between.

Told you he was back.

I would rather be weird as fuck than boring as fuck.

This burger needs a name –

Read this link for info on naming… Click me bitches!

The burger has an 8oz free range beef patty. Slice of Cheddar Cheese. An orange slice. 3 pieces of bacon. 2 onion rings and more of my experimental dressing. It’s a creamy, spicy southwestern poppy-seed mustard. How can I shorten that?

Bong hit!

Night!

FIN!

Kotton!

If Onky?

He will know! Who the hell knows. I know. What the fuck am I talking about? I don’t care. I want you to write my menu for my future burger endeavor. Whats this idiot taking about now? Don’t worry about the details just check out the new section above called Menu.

  • Name my burgers dangit.
  • Did you hear? Uncle Jack is back!
  • Faggot!

Woah slow down, what the fuck does that mean? Calm down silly its food!

Check it out here Faggot. <—-

  • I wish I could have a company call Mr. Brains Faggots, got to love the UK.

You know the birds that stand in the middle of the road but fly away right before your car gets too close to them? I wonder if they go back to all their bird friends and brag about how badass they are.

  • I want a badass bird.

They should invent a white t-shirt that is impervious to stains.

  • Who the fuck is they?

Bong hit!

New burger alert : The Inception Burger – Experimental Stage. Inspired by the Inception Burrito. It is a burrito, inside a burrito, inside a burrito. Sounds delicious. Added another place on bucket of food cause of that burrito. Check it out.

This post is useless but I have to post some garbage to get the juices flowing.

FIN!

Kotton!

 

Finger Condoms.

Why the title you ask? Because you will click it duh.

Have you ever noticed that at the bottom of french fry boxes, there are little tiny slivers of french fries hiding.. they’re always at the bottom too. Has anyone ever wondered how they got there? It makes no sense to me.. Like do McDonalds people just fuck up while making them and put them in there to like make your life just a little worse? Or does the government put little edible cameras in there? I guess it wouldn’t matter because no one eats them.They always taste weird. You’d think because they’re less dense that they would be on the top.. Or maybe that only works with fluids? Yeah whatever. I don’t like them. I am going to put a stop to these tiny evil fries. Rant over but I have a lot of notes, thoughts and convos to get through.

  • I want to create a little grabber thing that holds onto an Oreo so that when you dip it in milk, your fingers don’t have to touch the milk AND you can get the whole cookie in the milk
  • Me: Wright sir, right sir, write sir lol. Ben: Did the right Wright write directions on how to fly this thing? Me: Yes, the right Wright wrote the directions on how to fly the thing. But the wrong Wright couldn’t read what was written by the right Wright and therefore made popcorn right?
  • Reverse Corn-dogs.
  • Marijuana does lead to harder stuff…
    Like trying to look inconspicuous carrying a plate of spaghetti topped with gummy bears at a cafe…
  • I’m not sexist because sexism is wrong. And being wrong is for women. I’m not racist because racism is a crime. And crime is for black people.
  • Remember the term Ten dollar burger.
  • Headquarters… you spelled rape dungeon wrong.
  • I guess you guys need something to visually stimulate you so here is a random picture I took of a sailboat.

I call it work hard and play hard. Don’t ask why cause I don’t know why. Anyhow, I need you guys to like us on Facebook and name the burger that is the profile picture. If you need to think it’s detrimental to my health, so be it. Read the last post to know what I’m talking about. “If you name it, you can’t eat it”. So get that done if you don’t mind.

I’m done with this post but I want to let you know that all the links below WordPress said were related articles to this post and I find them semi-entertaining. So that means you should click and read as well.

Oh Yea, Name my burger bitches…

FIN!

Kotton!

If you name it you can’t eat it?

It’s an old saying I think. But I disagree with it. I don’t eat burgers without names. I made this awesome burger a couple moons ago and I want to eat it again but I can’t without it having a name.

It has a grass fed beef patty, 2 strips of bacon, 4 slices of deli turkey, slice of pepper jack cheese, 2 eggs, mustard and ranch dressing, slice of american cheese. Don’t forget the bread. Why 2 eggs you ask? Well I felt it was something Chuck Norris would do and most of my life decisions are based on that idea. Would Chuck Norris do it? Then sign me up. I don’t want to name it Chuck Norris, cause that’s lame and he will sue more than likely. Pussy!

I want it to have a badass awesome name, so help me out will ya? Need a close up?

There are a few ways you can help me here. You can name it in the comment section. You can like us on Facebook and name it there. It will be the profile picture so click and name there. It will be there for a while ha, I need some likes, it’s getting lonely in here. Same as for twitter, its new and needs followers tweet your name for the burger. We will take the ones we like and let you, the imaginary people who read this vote for your favorite. So help me out you motherfuckers. This name will go on the menu, who cares if its dirty, dirtier the better.

  • Since Jesus could walk on water and humans are 78% water, does that mean if I walk on someone I’m 78% Jesus?
  • Before I eat goldfish I like to drink a whole bottle of water so they have plenty of room to swim around.
  • I’m high!
  • Leftover pie. Wait, does leftover count as 2 words? Left over. Leftover.
  • Interact with all my shit above please. Goodnight. Might walk on some people tomorrow.

FIN!

Kotton!

What did you think would happen!

Well now I’m on a writing kick after my hiatus. Also I’m on the kick of bashing the 2 worst roommates I could have, sorry Mayor Gia. A note to the Mayor, thanks for representing us southern folk. Anyhow, the title, yeah yeah I’ll tell you.

 

  • So my female roommate we shall call her the crying jew dresser. Don’t ask, to hard to explain. She comes home from work. I’m pretty sure she/they were trashed. It had been raining and they were soaked. I am in my room listening a bit to them argue over if there is a god or higher being or something to that effect, don’t worry they are typically so stupid that well a 3-year-old makes more sense. So I gave up and threw my headphones on. About 10 minutes later I smelled something burning. This doesn’t alarm me anymore because they burn everything but then I hear running and loud noises. Come to find out when they came home stupid bitch preheated the oven to 500 and waited, then put her plastic shoes in the gas oven to dry them out. Then proceeded to go in their room and drink and leave them in there. As I open my door they were pouring buckets of water in the oven. I go to my room mad because they said they were going to clean it up and fix it. I should’ve supervised. I woke up a few hours later with a splitting headache due to the idiots not lighting the pilot lights back and just leaking gas. And that is where the title came from. Also how have they lived this long.
  • Who’s they? is it the smut peddling flag burners or the god killing tree huggers?
  • Only Democrats and perverts touch themselves.
  • I love quoting cartoons. American Dad.
  • I like these words – Hamburgers and Hotness and I can’t find anything similar to it in this here internet world so I think I’m going to take advantage of it. Pretty sure its number 1 in the name of my burger joint I want to open as more people express interest. I should really put more burger stuff on this blog. I might also jump on one of these many sites like Zazzle and make some t-shirts and junk and maybe someone would buy it because well I like to donate money to charity so there is a good cause right there. So stay tuned for that motherfuckers.
  • It’s past my bedtime.

FIN!

 

Kotton!

 

PS- I‘m not sure why WordPress has Cory Bookerand Alex Rodriguez as recommended tags. They must be perverts or Democrats. Chuck Norris also? What the fuck?

 

Gas stove Deutsch: Gasherd mit eingeschalteter...